How long is enough?

For some reason last night I got the itch, and it wouldn't go away.
I badly wanted to be in my husbands arms being kissed all over, and for lack of a better term - just plain fucked. However I was very much alone and very much in distress.
So the question continues to rise in my head, "how can I justify self induced orgasm?"
No matter what anyone has told me, my gut refuses to believe that pleasuring myself is in anyway right; yet for some reason there is a mistakable code I'm forced to ponder; honestly, it's becoming exhausting.

So I laid there pondering, trying to think of anything else, and nothing...
I've learned that cold showers fail to reduce the emotions of the mind, and only leave you feeling worse then you did to begin with. Water fills your tummy and makes you sick, but your thoughts don't leave you. The only answer that truly works for me is prayer; however politically incorrect that might be. Last night however, nothing was going to penetrate desire.
For whatever reason there is a pattern I seem to follow that begins with thought, continues in action, and ends in guilt and shame. Some days my actions end in blissful contentment’s, but I know that is just me choosing denial. So I never gave in, I fought it till I was dead asleep waiting for the morning to come. The first time in an awhile I slept through the night without waking once (that I can recall. This morning waking I found the thoughts still there, the emotions running deeper then ever, and feeling helpless to control them.

This is the first time I've gone a whole night and had the desire bite my ass in the morning. I wore sunglasses on my way to school, and let’s just say it wasn't only because the sun was in my eyes.